I went back to my foot doctor last week. The purpose of my appointment was to pick up my orthotics. Yes, orthotics! I guess 25 is old.
I climbed into the chair and took off my socks and shoes. I had been wearing my sparkly black flip flops all morning because they were way cuter than the tennis shoes I changed into right before my appointment. Unfortunately when I changed shoes I neglected to notice that the bottoms of my newly pedicured feet were now black. I was so embarrassed! I considered running to the sink down the hall and cleaning them but I figured someone would notice. Instead, I made a point to apologize for my black feet and reiterate that they weren’t really that dirty but that I had been wearing black flip flops. I ramble when I’m embarrassed, upset, super happy, or just bored sometimes. Anyhow, I was embarrassed I so I rambled. I’m pretty sure he really thinks I’m nuts now even though he told me he’d seen much worse. I think they’re just required to say things like that.
He starts tearing the soles of my shoes apart to put my orthodics in and my eyes must have given away what I was thinking (something along the lines of “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO MY SHOES!”). I put the shoes on and he begins to tell me that I’ll wear the orthodics for a little bit longer each day, eventually wearing them all the time. This is when I asked if I’d be wearing them for awhile to which he responds, “they are part of your shoe, so you’ll wear them all the time, unless of course you wear flip flops and then that doesn’t work”. I thought this was a temporary/when I feel like it type of thing! At this point I’m just wondering first what he thinks I wear to work that I can just wear tennis shoes all the time and not look ridiculous and secondly, what he thinks I’ll do with my flip-flop/sandals that I’ve spend HUNDREDS of dollars on. DSW loves me, and I love them, and apparently I have a thing for shoes, or at least the flip-flop kind. What would our closet be full of if I got rid of my shoes? This is just crazy talk. So I look at him and just nod my head all the while thinking that this is so not working for me.
Then I begin to tell him how my foot is still not 100% yet and that it’s much worse when I work out. I am good enough at making my own excuses to not work out that I don’t need another one. This is when he suggests a leg split thing that I would sleep in. This is also when I begin laughing. Yes, laughing. I’m sure he thinks I’ve lost it. I tell him I feel so old when I go in there and he asks me why. I just laughed and said I didn’t know while thinking “because I’m 25 and have freaking orthotics! Orthotics are supposed to be for old people! I’m by far the youngest person in this office EVERY SINGLE TIME I come in! And now you want me to sleep in this thing that I’m sure is super sexy! NOT!”. But, I didn’t say that.
He proceeds to tell me my sexy foot sleeping device thing will be covered by insurance so I figure why not, it’s probably not that bad. He brings it in I realize I’m wrong. It’s this big black thing I strap my foot into. Looks super comfy too. I’m sure I’ll be looking extra fine with that thing on. He gives me a brief demo and I go on my merry way. I’m supposed to go back in a couple weeks and my foot is still really annoying me so I figured that meant I have to actually use the old people orthotics and sexy foot sleeping device while also doing my annoying stretches every morning and night. Having an organ taken out of me wasn’t even this much work.
That night I decide to try the super sexy foot sleeping device (after Mr. C has laughed at me). We didn’t feel the need to read the instructions so it took a bit to figure it out. The thing is monsterous and it’s not the most conducive to actual sleeping. After getting another pillow, moving around numerous times, and checking to make sure it looked like my foot was still in the correct position about five times, I chucked it on the floor and enjoyed an awesome night of sleep. I’ll read the instructions and try again. I’m sure it will be a bundle of fun......
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