Committment Issues

I think I may be becoming a flakey person. Not flakey good like those amazing crescent rolls that taste oh-so-good, but flakey bad as in one of those people who says they’ll do something and then instead just flakes away. I don’t think you can use the word you’re defining in the definition. But, on my way to get the dictionary I decided I didn’t feel like it.



I’m scared of a lot of things….sharks, the dark (sometimes), being abducted, roller coasters (sometimes), spiders, and the list goes on and on. There are also a lot of things I’m not scared of and I like to think of myself as a very functional, very responsible, very organized, realistic person. I like to think of myself this way, until last week that is when I realized that I have commitment issues. Looking at my life, you’d think I’m just fine with commitment. I’m married to a wonderful man, something I didn’t doubt for a minute. I never once thought about running back down that aisle, although since I got lost on the way up, I may have gotten lost on the way back….. Back to the point though, I have the cutest little dog and a cat that I’ve committed to taking care of, and I have a job that I’ve been pretty darn committed to for a few years. From the outside, it all seems to be copasetic.


Unfortunately, I discovered this outside view is all a sham. Remember that photo post I did? The post where I committed to posting a picture every single week on the nifty page I created just for that reason? Well, first of all it started out as a 365 day photo challenge but that seemed like too big of a um….commitment, so I went with the 52 week challenge instead. But, if you haven’t noticed, I haven’t posted a single photo! Last week I was making plans with a friend and as we were discussing a date, all I could think was, that fact that I had to be at a specific place at a specific time and what if something else comes up that day? It’s not that I don’t love my friends, because I do. I just don’t love commitment. I can handle a bit at a time, but too much and I feel like I’m going crazy.


It’s interesting because I hate not planning ahead or being organized. So, wouldn’t it be logical to think that I would LOVE commitments? Commitments are set, they can be written down and ultimately lead to planning (something else I love).


Foster the People (amazing band, if you haven’t heard of them then you need to check them out) came to AZ the week before my birthday. I was so excited to see them! But, I didn’t buy tickets early because what if something else came up? I mean, I was dying to go to the concert, but I figured I’d hold off on the tickets. The idea of buying them was just scary because then I was locked in, although that was ultimately my goal… Finally I sat down to buy the tickets to the amazing show for the band I love that’s been selling out concerts. Guess what. The concert was sold out. I knew shows were selling out, but I didn’t really consider this when I was busy dealing with my crazy-person commitment issues.


This past weekend I went to a class about joining the church I’m attending. I’ve been attending off-and-on for about 7 years, pretty regularly for the last couple of years though. 7 years is a very LONG time! As we sat in the class and went around the room talking about how long we’d been attending/involved in the church, I felt very….slow...and non-commital! I was, by far, the person there that had been attending the longest, and let me tell you, the gap of time between the person attending the second longest and my time was a BIG gap! It’s not that I wasn’t involved or unsure, I just didn’t see the need to commit. That’s probably because I have issues.


We are renters, something that’s worked perfectly because we weren’t sure we were going to stay in AZ and what’s the point of buying if you’ll need to sell in a year or two? Now we’re looking at settling down somewhat soon (somewhat soon= a year or so, so it’s not even THAT soon) and the idea of picking an area of town to live in is crazy scary. What if we pick wrong? What if we don’t like it? Totally freaking me out. When we buy, we’re stuck in that house. FOREVER! Ok, forever until we sell, but with this housing market, it could be FOREVER FOREVER!


There are just too many signs that point to me being commitment-phobic. Adding this with the fact that I like to diagnose myself with medical things, I’m declaring myself officially commitment-phobic. I think anyhow. Maybe I shouldn’t though. What do you think? Do I really have commitment issues or is this all normal? I’d look on WebMD regarding this but I don’t have the app. I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to allocate a spot on my iphone specifically for WebMD. I mean, what if something better came along? Seriously, Mr. C put it on my phone and I deleted it.