Saying Goodbye

I wrote most of this over a week ago, but wasn’t quite finished.  Everything takes a little bit longer to do with a little human and a full-time job.

I could hear it in his voice as I listened to my message. I actually had an inkling when I saw his name come up on my phone as we were finishing dinner, so I didn't answer. I called him back and knew instantly. My sweet grandma had passed away earlier that evening. We all knew it was coming and I had said goodbye more times than I could count. I knew when I saw her at Christmas that it would be my last time with her.  She was sick, had lost her memory and a lot of her spirit, and I'm happy she's not in pain, but losing someone is always hard, even if there wasn’t a lot of them left to lose.

I had two amazing grandmothers, both special in their own way.  My mom's mom was the one I considered my "cool" grandma. She had her eye makeup tattooed on; she dressed in bright colors and wore things you wouldn't picture a grandmother in. She didn't leave her bedroom before she was dressed with makeup even when she wasn’t leaving the house all day. I think that's part of why I tend to do the same.  I always admired that she wanted to look her best for no one but herself.  She stayed up late watching scary movies and slept in until 9 unlike most of the other grandmas I knew. She’d scratch your arm until you became sleepy, gave the best hugs, and talked to me like I was a full-grown person before I really was. She called me out when I was 7 because I’d clearly cheated in a duo solitaire game.  She and my grandpa lived in Scottsdale rather than Sun City and they went to some pretty hip places to eat. She was the most organized person I’ve ever met.  She loved her label maker and lists and may be the reason I love post-it notes so much. She had a great sense of humor and was most definitely an optimist. When something made her happy she'd say she was "tickled" about it. She was a giving person and loved sharing what she had.  Everyone who knew her loved her because she was easy to love.

My grandma loved games, particularly backgammon. When Mr. C played her the first few times I could tell he was going easy and letting her win. I warned him. It wasn't long until he realized that my grandma played to win and took chances that usually paid off. She loved keeping score and when she lost by a lot she’d say you “skunked” her.  As she got older she still continued to beat us, even after falling asleep during the game for a few minutes (this happened a lot).

In our sugar eating days my grandma always had oatmeal raisin cookies for Mr. C when we visited and she'd send him home with a big bag.  He was like a 5 year old, always excited about the cookies and taking a bag home.  I know they liked the cookies too, but I really think she always made sure to have them for when we stopped over.

It was no secret that my grandma loved chocolate and nuts and ice cream, preferably all eaten together.  She also loved eating her desert first and made it known that she had no desire to carry on a conversation while she was trying to enjoy her desert.  When I was younger we’d pick up pints of dairy queen soft serve and hot fudge and take it to their house for desert.  My grandma always had roasted peanuts waiting for the Sundays.  I, of course, loved the hot fudge the most and most times my grandma would let me lick the hot fudge serving spoon off once we were done.  She even encouraged loading the spoon up with the fudge before licking it, ensuring that I basically ate a big spoon full of fudge.

My grandpa kissed my grandma goodnight every single night before heading to bed.  They were an amazing couple and their long lasting love and friendship is something I strive for in my own marriage.  They certainly had their moments, and they had been through a lot; young teenagers who got together even though her family didn’t approve, newlyweds with a baby separated at wartime when my grandpa enlisted and was deployed, later my grandpa becoming an entrepreneur in many areas and my grandma a homemaker who sewed clothes for her kids and taught Sunday school, and finally a retired couple who had come so far from where they started.  They were a couple who raised three kids, had 10 grandchildren, 21 great grandchildren, and 78 years of marriage.  When my grandma got too sick to be home, it broke my grandpa’s heart, but he visited her everyday.

My grandma had been disappearing one piece at a time, but it’s odd to know that I won’t visit her again when I go back home.  I won’t wonder if she’ll know me or what her mood will be.

I will think of my grandma when I see something lime green, when I play backgammon on the very loved board she gave me, when I see a label, or eat a hot fudge Sunday.

I see her in my mom so much; in her hands; in the way she clasps them together and the way she holds Adeline’s hand.  Last week her laugh sounded like my grandma’s laugh I remember so well.

I will remember my grandma as a loving and kind soul and honor her by striving my best to be like her.