Where's my Glow?

This pregnancy has not been at all what I expected.  I'm not sure why but I always thought I'd be one of the lucky women who had no sickness.  I just expected to feel amazing and I'd be glowing and so happy about the baby growing inside of me.  While I still think the entire process is pretty amazing, I have to say that so far this pregnancy thing is not fun.  Whoever said it's "magical" was a liar (probably a man), and the more I hear about new things I'll get to experience the more not fun it sounds.  I think there was a week where I knew I was pregnant and felt normal and thought that things were pretty great.  Then the sickness hit.  Well meaning people keep telling me that it will pass and sharing their simple solutions like "eat crackers".  Well people, I've eaten crackers and tried candied ginger and raspberry leaf tea and everything else you can think of.  I'm on pills to make it better and they seem to work for only a few hours of the day. I'm grateful it's something but when I feel like my eyes are going to fly out during one of my puking fits it sure doesn't seem like it's doing much.  So when these well meaning people say these well meaning things, it takes a lot of self-control to not just punch them in the face because I'm not a moron and I've tried it all.  

I thought I'd be glowing, journaling daily, blogging about the wonderful things that happened along the way, and writing in my pregnancy book, but at this point I'm still too tired or sick to do anything.  My pregnancy app currently tells me that things should be "low maintenance" now but again it's just lies.  LIES!  

Our house has been in a constant state of disarray over the past few months with no signs of anything changing.  I went from having a "to do" list of 5-10 things per evening to settling for 1-2 per week.  This week I hope to paint my nails before the nausea turns to the migraine that nothing can help.  Our nursery has no floor and the office is so full of stuff from the guest room (from moving things to redo that floor) that it's barely identifiable as an office.

In other news, we just found out it's a girl and couldn't be more thrilled!  Since I can remember I've pictured myself with a little girl and now I'm so excited to start really planning the nursery and buy some overpriced cute clothing.  In the meantime we've purchased a few used things like a baby sling and a play mat and it's so weird to see baby things in my house.  I see them and think "who the heck is that for?"  It's a weird concept, this baby thing.

A couple weeks ago I was feeling exceptionally horrible.  There's no break from the sickness, emotionally I was struggling with some things, and it just seemed like the flu that never ended.  I was not in the best of moods when we went to the perinatal doctor, but when we saw little Baby C. on the ultrasound (our fourth ultrasound but best by far), it lifted my mood enough and reminded me that although I feel like it's a bad case of the flu, there really is more going on, and eventually this will all be worth it.  Now that I know it's a little girl it's beginning to seem even more real and being able to say "she" is amazing.  My mom was asking me about "her" room earlier (Baby C's) and it was so nice to be able to think of a little girl in there instead of an "it".  

I hope things get better but for now I'm still trying to just focus on the fact that we're both healthy, I know she's in there growing, and I just keep praying that one day the sickness and headaches cease and I can just enjoy this.  In the meantime feel free to say a prayer for me and under no circumstances should you ask if I've tried eating crackers in the morning to help things.