This is meant as an open letter to anyone who is expecting, but I wrote it thinking of two of my dear friends who are expecting. One who will be welcoming a baby girl any day now and one who will be welcoming a little boy in a couple months. It actually started as an actual hand-written letter which morphed into this.
Your little one will be here any day now. I am so excited for you. I’m excited for you to feel the pure
joy and love when you hold your little one in your arms. It’s amazing how someone so small can
change your life forever. Nine
months in I’m certainly no expert, but I’d like to share part of my journey as
you transition into the next phase of yours.
I never felt as bonded during pregnancy as I felt like I
should. I felt so sick and I was
unsure of how I’d handle being a mom.
I didn’t grow up around babies like a lot of other people. I worried I wouldn’t bond with my
daughter. When she was born I
remember it feeling surreal (not the labor part!). It was so strange that I was suddenly responsible for this
little person. I had grown her and
done everything I could to keep her safe and healthy, but I had never seen her
before. During those first few
hours I held her, fed her, and stared at all of her tiny features. She was perfect. By the end of the day I would have
walked through fire for her. I
wasn’t fully prepared for the love that flooded parts of my hearts I didn’t
know I had. Those first few
hours are sacred and you can’t get them back. Hold her, bond, and don’t feel obligated to let anyone else
hold her until you’re ready.
Someone told me that and I was so very grateful.
Many things were easier than I anticipated. I always worried I wouldn’t know what
to do when she cried. Sometimes I
didn’t, but it was okay. I figured
it out. I was patient when nothing
helped. I didn’t realize how
heartbreaking her cries would be. The sound still breaks my heart.
Other things were hard. I couldn’t have ever imagined the sheer exhaustion those
first few weeks. I remember a
couple days I was alone and had no idea how I’d make it through the day. One day I had the flu and the baby
didn’t care. I found
strength I didn’t think I had.
I would be
relieved she finally fell asleep but my heart would ache because I missed
her. I can’t say that’s changed.
Once you figure things out, it’s time for them to
change. I remember sleeping almost
through the night a couple times, and then a sleep regression happened. I haven’t slept a straight 8 hours
since the beginning of my pregnancy.
I am a worrier but I’ve never worried so much. Is she breathing? Is her head too flat? I googled the flat head thing at 2am
during a feeding. I was convinced
she needed a helmet. She’s fine;
her head is perfect. Nothing good
comes from google after a certain time of night. My husband accepted that I’d check to ensure she was
breathing every 10 minutes. It’s
gotten better but it’s still a nightly thing. Every night when I go to bed I pray for her. When she was tiny I’d hold her hand for
a minute before I went to sleep, but now I don’t dare touch the sleeping baby.
Things changed so much more than I ever thought. My daughter isn’t the best sleeper
which means that on a good day when I’m home I have 2 total hours of naptime
which are spent running around the house to get things done. My time is even more precious and it’s
hard for me to commit to a weeknight dinner with friends because I know I won’t
get to see her. There’s just not
enough time each night.
I have very strong opinions. We’ve researched and we know what is best for us, but there
are always so many people who can’t be pleased. They offer their suggestions for things I’d never do and I
just smile and nod. I know what
works for us and for the most part I follow my instincts. They are there for a reason.
I feel so special to be this little girl’s mom. I’ve lost myself more than I assumed I
would and I don’t care. I wasn’t
warned about that.
So, I have a few pieces of advice for you. Don’t doubt yourself; you know your
baby better than anyone else does.
“I’ll keep that in mind” is a helpful phrase. Ask for help.
Don’t be hard on yourself.
Don’t google things at 2 am. Don’t do what society tells you to; do what
your instincts tell you to do.
Build your tribe. There are
so many facebook support groups with amazing women. There are
always things to be done but you’ll never regret playing longer and holding your
baby longer. Take pictures because
it really does go so fast.
Remember that you’re doing great.
And finally, remember I am always here for you. My phone lives on silent now but I am
here. Text, call, snap, facebook,
whatever. I have no doubt that you
will be an amazing mother and I am so excited for you.
