She Was Worth the Wait

They say a baby changes your life.  This is a very true statement.  Adeline has changed our lives in so many ways, in both amazing ways and challenging ways.  They say you never understand until it happens.  This is both true and untrue.  We knew that having a baby would change our entire lives; our Friday night, our Saturday mornings, our finances, our date nights, and the contents of the bins in our living room.  We knew these things would change.

They say you’re never really ready for a baby.  I also think this statement is completely untrue.  A person may never totally understand the huge shift in everything until it happens, but I think that’s different from being ready.  I was ready.  Financially maybe not completely, but emotionally I was ready and that’s not something I could have said 10, 5, or even 2 years prior. 

We have friends who had kids in their 20’s and they are amazing parents with amazing kids.  They decided to do things when they had energy and that was a very wise choice.  I wish I had more energy every single day.  However, personally I have such different world views now than I did when I was 20.  Mr. C and I feel very strongly about certain things, things I’m not sure we would have cared much about when we were 20, and things I’m glad we agree on now. 

In some ways I’m who I thought I’d be as a mother, but in other ways I’m not. 

So far, over a year in, we’re more “natural” parents than I’d have imagined.  We believe in parenting at night and avoiding CIO “sleep training”.   We love babywearing.  We co-sleep and have no plans to stop soon.  I’m a cloth diaper addict.  I’ve been breastfeeding for over a year and pumped while working full-time in a new position.  We avoid all screen time although I’m sure Adeline gets some at daycare.  We were told to give her cereal in her bottle so she’d sleep thorough the night, but we’d rather lose some sleep and give her real food versus filler.  Although patience can be hard (I’m sure this gets much harder), it’s come much more natural than I ever thought it would.  We’ve followed our instincts, which goes against what the American society has defined to be “good parenting”. I understand that these are our views and not everyone feels this way.  That’s fine.  Everyone has the right to parent the way they see most fit, assuming they are not harming their children.

I think I’m a better mom than I would have been 10 years ago.  At 31, I can listen to someone tell me that bedsharing is a crazy idea and then I can go along my merry way with no plans to stop what I’m doing.  I know that I will nurse until we both are ready to wean without giving a crap what someone says.  At 21 I don’t think I could have done this.  I would have second-guessed myself and maybe I would have tried to let my little girl cry for a few nights because I doubted myself.  Maybe we would have stayed with the pediatrician we didn’t have a connection with.  Maybe I would have stopped breastfeeding because it was really hard to keep up with working full-time and pumping and wanting a little bit of time for myself.

There are also the people that say it would be different if we had two kids and all these things we believe in now would not continue.  Maybe it would, but my core values and beliefs would not change.  My core values did not change from zero kids to one.  If anything, they were strengthened.  With two kids I’m sure the TV would be useful at times and I’d be in need of a lot more patience.  Many of the things that bothered me before kids still bother me now though, such as parents taking their 6 year old to a rated R film about assassins, or giving a baby an entire box of sugar-coated cereal rather than some fruit now and then.

Had we not waited, I think we’d have done just fine, but I don’t think we would have embraced parenthood as much as we have.  We didn’t wait because we didn’t think we’d be good parents.  I never doubted that Mr. C would be a fantastic father.  He is even better than I ever expected though.  I truly love being a mom.  I would do anything for this little girl, as most mothers would for their kids. 

I’m very thankful for the time before Adeline when we were a family of two people, a dog named Coconut, and a cat named Oreo.  I’m thankful for the time we had to focus on ourselves, each other, and have lazy weekends.  When we’re home now on a Friday and a movie I wanted to see is out, I know that someday we’ll see it.  Someday we’ll go to dinner again regularly just us, but for now we’re meant to be at home with our little girl.  I’m doing just what I should be when I nurse her at night and rock her to sleep.  We lived our 20’s for us, and we’re living our 30’s with a different focus; still for us but also for this little girl that we waited for and wanted so badly.

Now we’ve moved on to the “when are you having another” questions from so many people.  We’re not sure if we are, or if we aren’t.  For now we’re living in the moment and enjoying the one little girl we were blessed with, as well as holding on to our sanity as we balance it all. 

That One Thing

I have a lot of good qualities.  Asking for help is not one of them.  I sometimes take on too much, but I always make it work.  Lately though, my life has been more chaotic.  Soon after returning to work from maternity leave I took on a different, more challenging and demanding position.  Two of my co-workers, whom I considered close friends, left before I returned, and it was harder than I imagined (to be fair, I had tried to not imagine it).  I had a new baby and everything that goes with that.  I was still trying to cook most nights, and between pumping, cloth diaper laundry, and attempting to get 6 hours of sleep a night, but realistically being up every 3, something had to give.   I cleaned what I could, because a messy house stresses me out, but it was a losing battle.

I really don’t know the last time my floor was cleaned.  My wonderful mother came over one day and cleaned the shower and floors.  It was amazing.  But I honestly don’t know the last time I cleaned the floors myself.  I’m thinking that happened in October.  October of 2016.  I told you it was bad.  So, I’m not good at asking for help AND I hate paying people to do something I could do myself.  After months of debating, I finally took the plunge and scheduled a time for someone to clean our house.  I had a referral from someone I trusted and I negotiated the price a bit, but still….it was a lot to me for something I could do myself.

Today the cleaning crew came.  I returned home to the cleanest version of my house that I’ve seen in quite awhile.  The bed was made!  I have no idea when I last made our bed and if I did make it, I certainly didn’t put those cute throw pillows back on.  The couch and chairs had vacuum stripes!  This is exciting stuff people.  Not to mention, knowing someone was coming to clean forced us to pick up and get that new office in order.  It was like when someone tells you they’ll be at your front door in 10 minutes and you quickly try to make the house look presentable.  It was just like that actually, but much more efficient.

I’m not sure how long this clean will last, but I can attest that it is so worth it.  I also am focusing on the concept of spending money so I can spend more time with my daughter, rather than my cleaning supplies.  As much as I love a clean house, I love my daughter so much more.

I’m still working on asking for help but I’ve decided that this is my one thing.  The thing I’m going to keep doing for my sanity.  The thing that lets me spend more time doing what’s important.  If you don’t have one of these things, you should find one that's important to you; it’s so worth it!

Office and Playroom Reveal

Over the past couple of years we’ve had so many home projects.  Our house was nice, but it needed a little work to spruce it up, and we wanted to really make it ours.  We changed out the dining room light fixture, bought new bedroom and living room furniture, built massive storage shelves in our garage, painted almost all the walls (many more than once due to a certain someone changing their mind), built 4 huge floating wood shelves for the living room, and ripped the carpet out of 5 spaces to put in hardwood flooring.  We did this all ourselves, which makes it feel even more like ours.  We put our time and sweat into this place. 

I like things organized and each time we take on another project it inevitably means that our house is a huge disaster for awhile.  When we refloored in the living room we had to level out the floor.  It was horrible and almost everything in the kitchen, living room, and hallway was covered in a thick, fine dust.  I thought it would take forever to get things cleaned.

We just finished a huge project; turning the cluttered office into an office/playroom.  The office had become a dumping ground.  We had random pieces of furniture and just kept adding things we didn’t have room for elsewhere.  We each had a desk, but both were typically covered in papers or things, making them impossible to use.  It was bad.  Luckily, I have pictures.

This summer, a month before school started, we decided it was time to do something about the office.  We also felt that Adeline needed a space other than the living room.  We decided that we needed a long desk and debated making it ourselves, but it was pretty clear that we don’t have the time to do this.  I figured I’d rather pay someone to make it and spend the time with our little girl.  

Mr. C moved everything out of the office the last week of July, a week before he had to go back to work.  He did the floor alone this time, finished in a couple days, and it turned out amazing!  The desk took awhile due to some changes, but we found someone who was reasonable and seemed to have great work.  We paid and waited.  In the meantime our hallway was full of stuff, our bedroom had random pieces, and a dismantled desk was by the living room.  It was a mess.  A stressful mess.  We bought a rug on clearance and found a chair also on clearance that was a final sale.  They sat in the empty room waiting to be used.  And then, at the end of September we got the desk and two matching floating shelves.

I drove home from work as the desk was being delivered, and I worried that it would look horrible.  We didn’t discuss what the cabinet doors would look like and I worried that we’d hate it.  I walked in and was floored.  It was so much better than I had imagined.  Over the course of the next couple of weeks we began bringing things back into the office.  I had to make some decisions about what to keep and what to let go, because I didn’t want anything in there that we didn’t really need or want.  This past weekend we finished the space, for the most part.  I still picture a little table and chairs for Adeline at some point, but for now we’re done. 

It’s a space I love more than I thought I would.  It’s actually my favorite place in the house, other than Adeline’s room.  The desk is beautiful, functional, and really perfect for what we needed.  The gallery wall pops on the teal wall.  The wall that used to hold the gallery wall is playful with letters spelling out “CREATE” and it’s the perfect space to display Adeline’s artwork.  It’s everything I hoped it would be, but so much more than I truly expected.

It’s so nice to finally have everything finished.  Well, almost….we still need to do the backyard.  And, a little bit to the front yard.  And organize the garage.  Okay, so maybe we’ll never be truly done, but the projects are definitely getting smaller at least.

These Days

These days a lot of moments are intense.  They are tear-at-my-heartstrings happy or pull-my-hair-out-moments.  Baby life has consumed us for weeks and waking up to see sweet Adeline’s face seems like it will always be a novelty.  Each day is full of new discoveries and observations on her part as well as ours.

These days are hard. The afternoons of refusing naps and then crying because she's overtired. The nights of groggily waking and feeding her when I'd really love a full 12 hours of solid sleep. The pumping sessions hearing compressions from a motor rather than gazing at my baby as she swallows and rests her little hand on my chest. The spit ups in my freshly washed hair and the shirt I just put on. The nights of never eating dinner at the same time as my husband or parents, or whoever else we are with because the last couple weeks at that time she's crying or hungry or both.

These days are also great. The morning cuddles. The smiles and coos as she sits in her chair listening and watching me while I get ready for the day. The floor time when we play together or just take turns smiling at each other. The tons of pictures I take daily. The walks around the neighborhood in the afternoon, Adeline in the stroller and Coconut on her leash enjoying the cool weather. Adeline and I eating lunch with my parents during the week. Seeing my husband at 3pm on a Wednesday when I’d usually be at work. Cleaning and doing laundry during the day rather than after the sun has gone down. Being one of those people who can go to target and the grocery store during the middle of the week in the middle of the day. Having no schedule at all and getting paid for being with my family rather than at work.

We’ve adjusted to the huge shift in our lives and I’d say we’re thriving.  We have our moments but there are not breaks and we’re getting the hang of things.  Soon things will change again. These 10 weeks have flown by but they also have gone slow. It seems like ages ago that I was sending graduation plans to students at work and cleaning off my desk nightly in case I went into labor that night. I wonder if I will remember everything when I return to work. Instead of spending the day at home I will be getting up earlier, dropping my daughter off with someone she doesn't know, going to work, pumping multiple times a day between trying to do everything else, and then returning home to see my daughter and husband for a small sliver of the day before I do it again. I am not someone who ever wanted to stay home full time and I'm not sure I'm entirely cut out for that even if I do love my daughter with my whole being.  I also love my job and I love being outside of my home, making a difference for students and interacting with adults. But, the reality is that I will have the same responsibilities once I go back to work that will still have to be done after work. Laundry and cleaning and cooking, and maybe a little time for me. And, let's not forget about cleaning those lovely pump parts that will be happening multiple times a day.  Oh and worrying.  I will also be worrying in between my work tasks.

I worry that she still won't take a bottle by the time I do back to work. I worry that she won't nap at daycare because it will be different and she doesn’t sleep in a crib and sometimes she just wants to be held for a nap. I worry that I won't be there to hold her and comfort her when she cries. I worry that I won't see her much during the week and I’ll be so tired from doing everything that needs to be done.

The reality is that I do want to return to work and regardless I HAVE to return to work. We both work in public service so one income just won't cut it.  I also see value exposing her to daycare with other kids and other people with whom she can interact.  I will return to the work that I take pride in, to the students I’ve grown attached to.  I will sympathize even more with the moms taking 12 credits, working 40 hours a day, and trying to find some time to see their kids, all while earning A’s.

But, it will be hard. I'm sure I will cry as I leave her. I'm sure I will cry as I'm pumping at work and missing her eyes looking up at me. I'm sure I will cry when I have to put her to bed early because she's fussy even though I didn't get to spend quality time with her. I'm sure I will cry because I feel like I'm doing everything wrong. I’m sure the reasons I will cry will continue to change over the years.  But, we will adapt.  We will adjust.  We will learn how to thrive.  And I will try to not be so hard on myself.  I will hang onto the moments and know that the hard ones will pass, as will the joyful ones.  I am thankful for this life we’ve built – the life full of experiences before Adeline and all of the amazing experiences we have before us.

16 highlights of 2016

I rang in 2016 having just purchased a house we had called home for some time, feeling settled in my job and like I was where I was meant to be, and dreaming of a baby in the new year.

I ring in 2017 slightly tired but feeling blessed.  Our little girl is soundly sleeping in her rocker and my husband is watching the ball drop next to me.  We spent the evening having pizza and playing games with my brother, sister-in-law, and three beautiful nieces. 

I love the end of the year because it’s a time to review the past year and refocus for the new one.  This year has brought so many happy moments along with some heartbreaking ones.  Below are my top 16 moments from 2016.

1. Celebrating an early anniversary in Disneyland with Mr. C.  We got engaged in Disneyland and it’s always held a special place in my heart.  We hadn’t been able to go for a couple years due to my plantar fascitis and all the walking, so we were extra excited about this trip.  We even made it to the San Diego Zoo and the beach.

2. Making our home really ours.  We ripped out the carpet from the bedrooms and replaced it with engineered hardwood that we laid ourselves.  I love the way the floors turned out and I’m so proud of us for doing it ourselves.

3. The moment I saw the positive pregnancy test.  I had taken two tests previously days before and thought I had an early miscarriage due to some other signs.  I was so heartbroken, so when I saw that the test was positive I was in shock, a little anxious, and excited.

4. Sharing our news.  I tried thinking of my favorite reactions but there were too many.  This is actually a bunch of moments and they were all great.

5. Becoming a mother.  I put this separate from the positive test, and separate from the birth because I was Adeline’s mother for 9 months before the birth.  I had a bit of a rough pregnancy but I did what I needed to do for her to be as healthy as possible.   I loved feeling her little kicks, even the kicks to the ribs.  I knew she was fine when she was kicking around in there.

6. Having my best friend visit us in AZ not once but twice.  The first trip was actually the day I took the first pregnancy blood test so I was able to share the news with her in person which was amazing.  We had so much fun with her and I think I spent more time with her in 2016 than I had the past few years combined.  Things are certainly different now and I’m glad we had that time together.

7. Finding out that our baby was a girl.  We had done a genetic test which also told us the gender.  I had thought I would maybe try to wait until I could find out with Mr. C, but I was so excited when I got the call that I couldn’t wait any longer.  I squealed with joy on the phone when I heard the news.   I had always pictured a daughter when I thought about the future and I was beyond thrilled.

8. Meeting so many amazing, supportive people – from the three amazing midwives we worked with, to the doula, to our photographer, to the amazing L & D nurses.  I was sad when I realized I wouldn’t be seeing some of these people again, or very frequently, but I’m so thankful they were a part of our journey.

9. The multiple baby showers.  Two were surprises and two were not.  I still can’t believe I was thrown four showers; I never in my wildest dreams expected that.  They were all amazing and I was, and still am, truly touched by everyone who organized them and showed up to celebrate Baby C.

10. The birth of Adeline.  The birth itself was so empowering and was exactly what I had hoped for.  I went in knowing things could change but also feeling very strongly about certain things.  We had such a supportive group of midwives and a hospital where the natural things we wanted were standard.  I still feel very lucky to have been able to experience things the way I wanted.  When I caught Adeline and pulled her to my chest it was the best version of what I had imagined.

11. So many fun moments with friends.  From my first hockey game, to dinner at the Improv, to a battle of the bands at our church, to dinners and lunches together, there were so many moments spent with friends.

12. Again I’m grouping some things together here – the days I got emails from students thanking me for helping them.  I’m not raking in the money and I didn’t plan this path, but I truly love what I do and I feel like I’m making a difference.  I take pride in my work and love seeing students reach their goals.

13. Spending Thanksgiving with so much family again; my aunt, cousins, uncle, brother-in-law, Mr. C’s grandma, my parents, husband, a couple friends, and of course Adeline.

14. Watching my parents with Adeline.  My mom has always been so supportive in my life and continues to be that way.  She was with me for the birth and although she’s not a baby person generally, she loves holding Adeline and is great at calming her down.  I had different expectations for my dad since he’s not necessarily the mushy type, but he’s surprised me with how much he loves holding her, talking to her, and how concerned he is when she cries.  I am pretty positive he will be spoiling her.

15. Being able to see my grandma hold Adeline. My grandma has been declining healthwise for awhile, and at thanksgiving we really didn’t think she would make it to Christmas.  She did make it though, and although she may not have known who we were or who Adeline was to her, the joy we saw when my grandma held Adeline and her laughter from watching Adeline smile was truly amazing.  I was blessed to get a picture of my grandma, mom, myself, and Adeline – capturing four generations.

16. The last of my top moments has to be the first time I saw Adeline smile, and every smile since.  Her smile and laugh melts my heart and makes me so happy.  If Mr. C is laughing along with her that’s truly the best.

Not on the list, but there were so many smaller moments that are really big.  I really love those quiet nights at home watching a movie or playing backgammon with Mr. C.  Our life is a little different now but some of my favorite moments include an evening with some low lights on, sitting on the couch with Mr. C next to me, something good on the TV, and now Adeline in my arms.

There were certainly some sad moments in 2016.  At 5 weeks pregnant I went to the hospital for bleeding.  I was terrified and worried about losing my baby.  It was at that moment that I really felt like a mom.  I was willing to do whatever was needed to keep my baby safe.  Although it was scary, an amazing friend took me so I wouldn’t be alone.  She kept me calm and made me believe that everything just may be okay (which it clearly was).  I’m so very thankful for her for so many reasons.

I spent a large portion of 2016 not feeling very well with not much to do about it.  I was nauseous for months at the beginning and end of my pregnancy.  I felt like I experienced so many of the not fun things about pregnancy and I dealt with some depression for the first time in a couple years, however I knew it would be worth it.  It was and I’m doing great now.  I recovered quickly, felt back to my old self, and the prenatal depression subsided, but I’d definitely say that pregnancy and my body weren’t too copasetic. 

My grandma has gone downhill and at Thanksgiving I said goodbye to her on the phone.  I could barely get the words out and it tore at my heart.  We’ve been able to see her since being back in Nebraska.  She has her moments where it’s still her, but she’s a shell of the person she was, and I know someday soon she’ll be joining my grandpa in heaven.  It’s hard to see her like this.  I remember playing games with her, the way she’d laugh her deep laugh, and her love of chocolate.

I am looking forward to our new experiences as a family of three in 2017.  I’ve set some new goals for myself and for our family.  I wish you a wonderful start to 2017 and a truly blessed year.  Thank you for being a part of our lives!

Catching Up

It's been a very long time since I blogged.  These past few months have been an adjustment period in a lot of ways and I've been kind of floating through the weeks until lately.  I'm feeling a little bit more like my old self these days, just with an extra large belly and severe forgetfulness.  Here's what's been happening in the past few months.

The first few months of pregnancy were so much harder than I imagined.  At one point I had three different medications because I felt so sick all the time.  I was finally able to get off of these and although I have nausea fairly frequently it's so much better than it was, and it's manageable at this point.

I definitely look pregnant now and I feel it as well!  While I'm sure the baby kicked earlier, I first recognized it as baby movement while laying in bed on the 4th of July.  Mr. C. felt a couple weeks later when the kicks got forceful enough to feel from the outside.

We did a lot of work on the room from painting the entire thing, to ripping up carpet and laying engineered hardwood, to painting a dresser and some things on the walls.  I'll be posting a nursery post once it's all done so I'm not sharing too much yet!  We spent quite awhile looking for a gliding rocker I liked (ordered online!) and a crib (also online!) which we waited about a month for.  The crib is all together now and I really love it!  It was most definitely worth the wait.

Between redoing floors, house guests, and pet guests, we just got our house back and spent this past weekend cleaning like crazy.  I don't think I've ever cleaned as much in one weekend as we did this past weekend, but the house finally feels like home again which means I can actually relax.  I learned a long time ago that my living space greatly impacts my stress level and I do not do well in a messy or cluttered space.

This summer Mr. C and I had some days off together due to my summer schedule and Mr. C's few weeks off in the summer.  We spent our Monday mornings eating breakfast out, swimming on Sunday afternoons, and getting things ready around the house on the weekends.

This summer went fast and somehow I'm already at 29 weeks.  I still remember being 5 weeks along, terrified in the hospital that I was going to lose our baby.  I'm so grateful that everything was fine, and feel blessed to have had a healthy pregnancy other than feeling icky for a lot of it.  So far things have been very good and she's been active at the few ultrasounds we've had.  She moves a lot during the day and her kicks and turns are getting more forceful.  I think she's been practicing her somersaults lately.  Her heartbeat is always good, I'm finally feeling more normal, and I passed my glucose test!

We spent a week in NE this summer and it was amazing.  I always love seeing all the green and the weather was great.  Mr. C and I walked around the lake by my parent's house almost every morning.  That's one of my favorite things to do and that lake is one of my favorite places back home.  We spent the first days with a couple friends who picked us up from the airport.  We didn't do anything spectacular but as always it was nice to just hang out, play games, and catch up.  I was blessed with a beautiful surprise baby shower as well and was so overwhelmed with everyone who showed up to help us celebrate.  Throughout the trip we spent time with family and friends and really had a chance to relax.  That was the last plane ride with just the two of us.

I expect the next few months will be full of baby things.  We have a couple classes, showers, and I have a baby room to finish and organize. We've decided on a name (unless she looks nothing like the name we've picked) but we're keeping it to ourselves until she's born.  I'm enjoying our still semi-spontaneous dinners out after work, cooking time consuming meals during the week,  watching too much TV, late night grocery store shopping, sleeping in, and time with Coconut before the baby comes. Every now and then I panic a little bit thinking about giving all of this up, changing this life we've built that we love, but that's short lived and I remember that we're starting a new adventure and although it will be different that's okay.  I am glad we've had the time together just the two of us for so long.  I have no doubt that things will change but I know I have an amazing partner beside me, one who is already a great dad to this little girl.

Weekend Wrap-Up

This past weekend was one of my favorite weekends this year.  I realize that we haven’t had too many weekends in 2016, but nevertheless it was amazing. 

Saturday morning began with a hike.  This wasn’t just any hike though; it was my first moderate hike and the 4 miles on the map looked super easy.  The real thing wasn’t so easy for me, but when we got to the top of the mountain I was pretty proud of myself.  Right before we reached the top I had to stop for a few minutes to catch my breath.  I was feeling like we’d never reach the top and was not in the best of moods.  I turned around, looked down the trail, and saw a woman doubled over right before she threw up.  In that moment I remembered that someone always has it worse.  Although I felt bad for that poor woman, I felt accomplished to not be puking and continued on my way.  Although I complained a bit (or a lot), at the end of any hike I always feel refreshed and accomplished.  I’m horrible at shutting down my mind, leaving technology behind, and not trying to do way too many things at once, but hiking is a way for me to step aside, take a breath, and just enjoy being and spending some quality time with Mr. C.

I was feeling adventurous after a successful hike and suggested a new Thai place for lunch.  My mom thinks things with onions are spicy, but she ordered her food medium spicy even after I raised my eyebrows.  We all ended up with medium, but my mom and Mr . C’s food was much spicier than mine.  As great as my food was, the best part was listening to the conversation between Mr. C and my mom regarding how spicy their food was.  At one point I asked Mr. C how his was and he responded that he his vision was so blurred because his eyes were watering so badly.   Hilarious stuff.

We had some friends over Saturday night.  These are the kind of friends that make anything fun.  We could have been cleaning the tiles with a toothbrush and I probably would have still enjoyed it.  At one point during a game I looked around, heard the laughter filling our living room, and was so happy.  I love the home we’ve made, and I really love having people we love in it.

Sunday morning we headed to church for a musical service.  Since I couldn’t be bothered to read the email Friday I had no idea that the service would be all musical, so it was a great surprise!   I left feeling refreshed and I didn’t even have to hike a mountain this time.

We spent some more time with some friends and then I decided to do some adulting.  Not only did I file our taxes in JANUARY, but I also cleaned out the fridge.  Pretty exciting stuff right there.  Being productive is a requirement for me to feel good about the day, so that really topped off the weekend. 

Mr. C worked while my mom and I made this dinner together.  This is one of my all time favorite dinners and I could totally eat it everyday.  Just as I started putting on my Jamberry after months of having nails too short,  it began raining with the lightning and thunder starting shortly after.  It was a perfect ending to my version of a perfect weekend.

Did you do anything fun this weekend?

Looking Back: 2015

I’m not sure how it’s the end of the year already, but 2016 is almost here.  Each year I take some time to reflect about the events of the year and my goals for the future year.  2015 had some big changes.

In February I said good-bye to my Alero of 12 years and bought a crossover.  My Alero had seen its better days but I’m a VERY sentimental person and may have cried a bit as I bid my car goodbye.  I love Betsy though (my crossover), I’m a bit obsessive with her being clean ALL the time.  I’m still excited that I get to drive her and haven’t quite got over the shock.

To celebrate our anniversary we took a much needed long weekend in Santa Barbara.  I’m not sure how long it had been since our last vacation, but it was far too long.  The trip ranks in my top 5 of all times and I quickly fell in love with everything about Santa Barbara.  We were able to walk everywhere and felt like locals by the time we left.

In June we committed to going completely added sugar/sweetener and refined-grain free for a couple months.  We’ve continued this and are super selective now, but I can’t imagine going back to the way it was before.  I don’t miss sugar/sweeteners, I have more energy, feel much healthier, and I’ve lost 30 pounds which I’m pretty darn happy about, especially since it was in a healthy, sustainable way, something I’m very passionate about.

This is the year I become obsessive about my tea.  Water, tea, and wine are my jams now.  I’m not joking about this tea thing; a day without tea is no day at all.

I turned 30 this year and am still moving along.  It was a really big birthday to me; I guess it was the age where I thought I should feel like I had my life together.  I don’t have all the answers but I certainly feel much more like an authentic grown up than I did last year.

We finally decided to officially put down some roots and bought a house in September.  It had been our home for a bit, but it’s a pretty great feeling knowing that it’s really ours, or will be after our next 278,987 payments (it feels that way anyhow).  That being said, the process was long and one of the most stressful things I’ve dealt with in awhile.  I’ve said that we will be living in that house for the rest of our lives so we never have to go through that process again.

The home buying process was so stressful that we decided to go back to Santa Barbara for my b-day to celebrate, but the closing date changed weekly and it was hard to plan.  In my mind we would recreate the wonderful trip we had taken in February, but by the time we knew what was going on we weren’t able to book reservations early enough and there was literally nowhere in Santa Barbara to stay unless we wanted to pay $800 a night.  Contrary to popular belief, working in public service doesn’t really pay well enough for that.  We decided to still go to Cali but stay somewhere else.  Almost everything for the entire trip was a mess and it didn’t turn out AT ALL like we had planned, but it reminded us that even when things are messy we still have each other and needed to make the best of it.  I think I would have been okay having missed out on that lesson and having things just work out.

Mr. C and I took on quite a few big projects around the house after our house closed.   I was very happy with the house before, but I love the changes and I feel like it really reflects our personalities.  I wouldn’t have said we were the handiest people, so I’m very proud of what we’ve done.  I’ll be blogging about the updates and posting pics so I won’t say too much, but we spent hours at Home Depot (literally HOURS), got our hands dirty, bought a lot of new tools, and somehow made our house even more of a home than it was.

This was my first full year in my current position and I’ve finally settled in.  I feel like I’m where I belong and I only wish I would have made the change earlier, although I still believe it happened at the perfect time.  I have more work but I wouldn’t change it for anything.  I am really thankful to work in an amazing organization I believe is truly changing the climate of post-secondary education.

This year we were fortunate enough to have some visitors this year.  One of my best friends and his boyfriend came to visit earlier in the year.  They’re the kind of people who are perfectly content playing games, checking out our favorite restaurants, and shopping, so it was a great, low-key time. 

My parents recently decided this was the year they were going to try to become some sort of snowbirds and will be a walk away from our home.  To commemorate this, they hosted Thanksgiving in AZ and for the first time in 12 years I was able to spend Thanksgiving with my cousins, aunt, uncle, parents, and Mr. C’s parents, brother, and uncle.  It was truly amazing to have everyone together in one place and amazing to have a home full of people we love.  My parents will now be spending part of the year down the street for us and I’m so thankful to have them close. 

What were your highlights of 2015?  I’m excited to see what 2016 has in store for us!

Summer 2015

I seem to fall off the face of the earth each summer and this year was no different.  I’m excited to be returning to blogging and have some exciting posts planned including some new recipes.  I hope you had a great summer filled with friends, family, and making lots of great memories.  I have always hated summers in AZ.  I’m still a bit unsure of why I ever thought that moving to the desert was a good idea for someone who hated the heat with an intense passion.   This summer I decided to just embrace the heat and it ended up being one of my favorite summers.  For my first post back I’m sharing some highlights of my summer.

Almost every weekend we spent at the in-law’s house swimming.  While the pool was of course great, we really enjoyed just hanging out and spending time together with family. 

This was my fist summer at the new job and in addition to being able to wear jeans all summer (my most favorite thing EVER!!), I also had an altered work schedule for 2 months that allowed me one more day each week to spend with Mr. C.  That in itself was amazing and it allowed me to spend one day swimming and still get everything done during the weekend I needed.  It was like having an actual summer break every week.

We gave up sugar and severely limited our refined grains at the beginning of the summer as a lifestyle change and we've both never felt better.  The other day I had a small bite of a truffle and was satisfied with just that bite sized amount.  Never before would I have not inhaled the truffle and wanted another.  We were conscious about what we ate before but when I look in our cart at Sprouts each week I’m so proud of the food we’re putting into our bodies.  We’re still discovering new foods and I’m enjoying trying new recipes and revising old ones.

We finally made it back to the Phoenix Art Museum for the Warhol exhibit.  There was also an amazing firefly exhibit but pictures didn’t do it justice.  A church burnt down and this picture is an exhibit created with the pieces that were left.  This was one of my favorites. 

We didn’t spend the 4^th of  July in NE as we traditionally have, but we still made it back for a summer visit.  It was wonderful spending time with my nieces, seeing my sweet grandma, catching up with some friends, and being surrounded by so much green again.

I continued to take tons of pictures of our animals because they are so darn cute.

This summer was pretty great, even amongst the 117 degree, record breaking days and other life frustrations that tested our patience.  I’m still counting down the days until fall but I’d put this in the books as one of the best summers yet.  I can only hope next year will be even better!

What was the best part of your summer?

My Breakup With Sugar

For the past couple of months Mr. C and I have been avoiding all added sugars and refined grains.  We both had done some research about going sugar free, were concerned with the large amount of sugar in the typical American diet, and we were excited to try living sugar free as an experiment. 

The beginning wasn’t easy but it wasn’t a horrible as I thought it would be.  The hardest part was learning where added sugar/sweeteners were lurking.   We both went through sugar withdrawal symptoms.  The worst were the headaches that hit us every single morning for over a week and the fatigue that made me want to sleep as soon as I got home.  This quickly subsided though and after that we’d instead be hit each week with new benefits.  Over the past couple years we’ve strayed away from eating too many processed foods and we were choosing better grains such as sprouted bread over regular wheat.  That was so helpful because we were just adding onto the changes we’d already made. 

Over the past couple of months we’ve seen so many benefits from our choices.  We’re sleeping better and less moody.  I don’t experience that mid-afternoon slump I’d experienced so often.  We’ve seen a slight improvement in our skin.  We’ve both lost inches and pounds although that was never our reason for doing this.  We’ve tried new foods and unrefined grains I’ve never heard of and our cravings for refined sweets have mostly disappeared.  We can both turn down a doughnut or a slice of cake without thinking about it too much; the truth is that it doesn’t even sound good anymore.

In this process we’ve discovered new recipes we love and continued with some we’ve been making for quite awhile.  Below are a few of my favorite snack things to eat since we’ve made the changes.

• Sprouted whole grain bread with mashed avocado and a sprinkle of salt and pepper
•  Roasted, unsalted nuts, especially cashews.
• The Dark Chocolate Lover’s Chocolate Bar from Trader Joe’s.
• Iced Blushberry Black Tazo Tea
• Air popped popcorn with a bit of butter and salt.  You may think that popcorn is popcorn, but we recently bought organic white popcorn from Sprouts and it’s the best popcorn I’ve ever had.  It’s super light and fluffy. 

Going added sugar and refined grain free probably isn’t for everyone but I’m so happy that we committed.  We decided to join an online class we’d read rave reviews about and I’m so glad we did; it provided us with a community of supporters, access to hundreds of recipes (my favorite part!), and a daily lesson that was invaluable.  I struggled with the idea of paying for the course in the beginning, but after I had signed up for the course I got an email that compared the price of the course to other typical things people spend money on and that really stuck with me.  Looking back now, I have no regrets and it was money well spent to not have to dedicate my own time to finding recipes and researching everything that was shared during the course.  Throughout the course there are check-ins and Jacqueline herself responded to each and every single one.   If you’re interested yourself, I’d love to talk to you – just reach out to me – or you can find more info online here.