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Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Maternity Leave Reflections

Before I had a baby I thought maternity leave would be amazing.  I’d have no set schedule and I’d be able to get so many things done and spend time with my baby.  It likely would be lonely thought and I’d be very ready to go back to work.  I was right and wrong.  Maternity leave was amazing.  I LOVED my time with Adeline.  Some mornings we slept in a bit.  She’d sit in her rocker or chair and babble as I got ready for work.  We’d play.  I’d take a billion pictures. She’d take very short naps and I’d do things around the house.  I’d watch Gilmore Girls as I nursed her.  Sometimes she’d sleep on me and I didn’t move her because she looked so sweet and I knew those moments don’t last forever.  We’d go for almost daily walks with Coconut and my mom or dad or Mr. C.  We’d run errands together.  She was my sidekick and she was always there.

There were days when she cried and I didn’t know why.  She’s a short napper and I’d only get downtime when she took her 2-3 naps of 45 minutes each.  I was tired.  I was frustrated when I couldn’t figure out why she was crying.  My back hurt and I wanted a break.  Those moments happened.  But there were so many more good moments. 

I’ve worked for as long as I can remember and I’ve worked full time for a very long time.  I loved my time with Adeline but I also loved my time off.  I loved wearing jeans EVERY SINGLE DAY.  One day I wore leggings all day.  Just one day thought, because I’m not that casual of a person.  I also wore contacts every single day because I wasn’t staring at a computer screen all day.  I spent time with my parents, Mr. C and had a few lunch dates in the middle of the day in the middle of the week.  I went to Target or ran errands when I wanted.   I watched 5 seasons of Gilmore Girls while I nursed.  I didn’t have to be up at a certain time unless we had an appointment.  I enjoyed not being in an office for the best weather of the year.

Had my mom not been around and if Mr. C had worked late every night, I’m sure I would have been lonely.  If I had 2 kids things likely would have been harder as well and I may have been counting my days until I could go back to work.  Fortunately, and also unfortunately for me, maternity leave was so much better than I expected and I never expected to be so sad when it ended.  Tomorrow I’ll be waking up early, putting on my dress pants, taking Adeline to daycare, and driving 45 minutes to work.  I’ll return in the evening, make dinner, and try to squeeze in everything I need to do before the next day.  I won’t be around to take hundreds of pictures daily.  I won’t spend my morning playing or reading or watching Adeline as she babbles as I do my makeup and straighten my hair.  I will be pumping at work instead of holding my baby girl and looking into her beautiful blue eyes as she nurses.  I don’t think we could have picked anyone better for daycare, but it’s still not me. 

I can think of stages we’ve passed already.  The first two weeks where we had to hold her on our chests to get her to sleep.  The hours of fussyness and crying around 8 weeks that apparently just ended.  She’s growing so fast already.  I’m reminded of that fact by the little clothes that don’t fit anymore and the way she takes up more of the bassinet.

I knew it would be hard going back but I never imagined it would be like this.  I have a job I love and I hope once I get back into the routine it will be easier.  We both work in public service and I’m the one with insurance we can actually afford so staying home isn’t an option even if we decided it’s what we wanted.   I know that going back will be good.  I’ll get back to my students, the ones I genuinely care about.  I’ll have pictures all over my office of Mr. C and Adeline.  I’ll have a few hours in the evenings with my family and I’ll cherish our weekends ever more.  But, part of my heart will be at daycare with my sweet girl while the rest of me is at work. 

I have never thought of myself as an emotional person, but becoming a mother has broken me.  I feel deeper than ever before.  I was reading a post about a couple who lost their baby.  It’s something that would have always been hard to read, but my heart aches for them and I had to stop reading for a bit because my eyes were so full of tears.  I have no idea how anyone moves on from that.  Every night as I’m laying down to go to sleep I pray that God will watch over Adeline and keep her safe.  I’m so grateful that I will have my baby girl and husband to come home to everyday but we will be in a period of transition for a little bit while we figure out our new routine and if I’m honest, I’ll also be mourning the loss of the stay-at-home mom version of myself.  It’s a bit dramatic, but again, these feelings run deep now.  I’m broken which is amazing and horrible all at once. 


This week will be hard.  I’m not sure it’ll get easier but I assume I’ll get better at it.

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