Saying No

It’s hard to say no sometimes.   In our fast-paced society we’re expected to be everywhere and do everything.  I read an article on MSN this week which stated that people with smart phones (used for personal, not work, purposes) are more stressed than people without smart phones.  Apparently, smart phones have led us to feel as if we constantly need to be checking facebook, twitter, email, news, weather, stocks, etc. and responding to any messages we receive right away regardless of their importance.  This is the mentality of our society –  do more with the same resources – specifically do more in the time we’re alloted.  The problem is that the time we’re allotted isn’t increasing and doing more might not be better.  Productivity is great, but there comes to a point when we’re taking on too much.  We’re doing things to please others or perhaps because we feel guilted into them.  This leads to a point where we’re overwhelmed, stressed, and wondering why we can’t reach our own goals. 

I’ve always had a hard time saying no when I need to – to an event I really don’t want to attend, a volunteer project I don’t think I can handle, to purchasing something that someone is pushing.  Saying yes is just so much easier, and it usually pleases the person asking.   These reasons aren’t good enough though.

I first really learned to asses the situation and to say no in food situations.  Just because there’s a delicious, free breakfast at work doesn’t mean I have to go.  Sometimes I feel as if people think I’m anti-social, but I learned that I need to say no - for me.  For me, it’s just not worth it.  I’ve learned I need to take myself out of a situation where I’ll be tempted to do something I don’t really want to do.    I’m not going to the ice cream shop with someone if I know I’ll want to get myself a cone when I get there too simply because I’m at the ice cream shop.  I can’t say that this is easy.  Friends, co-workers, and family sometimes seem to wonder if one time is really that big of a deal, why I won’t just go with the flow, or perhaps they think I’m picky.

This concept has carried over into other areas of my life and I’ve finally began saying no when I need to.  No, I cannot handle that volunteer opportunity right now.  No, I cannot fit that into my weekend and also do what I need to do for my family and/or myself.  No, I cannot tolerate a friendship that is only bringing me down.  No, I cannot sit on the couch all night and watch TV (oops, that one is to myself usually!).  The thing is, when I say no to someone else it’s usually because I need to say yes to myself.  This doesn’t mean that I never say yes.  I do say yes, a lot actually.  I say yes when I feel that something is important, when I know I can balance it with other commitments, and in the case of food, when I have planned for an indulgence.  I say yes when something will help me reach my goals, when it meshes with my values, when it brings happiness to my life.

I guess I have learned to finally be picky (although if you ask my mother she’ll say I was always picky!).  I’m picky because I want to enjoy life.  To do this I need time to smell the roses.  I need to take care of myself.  I need to not have every minute of every day filled, leaving no downtime to just breathe or say a prayer or be thankful for my many blessings.  I need to feel good about myself.  I need to do things that I enjoy because life will provide enough unenjoyable moments that I don’t really need to add to them!  If I don’t work for my goals, who else will?

So, I’m reminding you and myself that it’s okay to say no sometimes!