Thankfully we no longer live in an apartment. However, our neighbors are fairly close. Sometimes I wonder what they can hear and what they think about the things they hear. Not to get too graphic, but one time I yelled “I’m naked” at the top of my lungs. The back screen door was wide open. A family with young kids lives behind us. I really hope they were at the park that day! And yes, I do understand that things like “I’m naked” shouldn’t really be yelled on a normal basis. Anyhow, last night was another example of the weird crap that I yell about. I have been told a time or two that I can be dramatic. I was on the phone with my best friend (who has decided to identify himself as Max Emerald) who seemed to think the event was quite hilarious. I was yelling this whole time, however I’m using caps to accentuate the parts where I was yelling louder or more dramatically. It went a little like this:
MR. CENTNERRRRRRRR
MR. CENTNERRRRRRRR, there’s a HUGE cricket!
He’s getting away!
Mr. Centner arrives and I point out the scary gargantuan cricket. He starts walking towards it and that’s when I notice the paper towel in his hand! Paper towel = dying bugs. Well, they can be used for other things too but in this case definitely a bug murder.
WAIT! DON’T KILL HIM!
What do you want me to do?
Can’t you catch him?
He looks at me like I’m a complete lunatic.
Like with the cup on the dresser?
No, I cannot catch him. Either I kill him and he’s gone or we leave him.
Ummmmmmm……
Come on, decide!
Ok, just leave him. He’s fine…. I don’t want you to kill him.
At that moment he lunges for him. He lunges with ninja-like speed and then it’s too late.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YOU KILLED HIM!!!!!
Sorry, I had to make a decision quick before he got away. (I should mention, he looks completely not sorry at this moment.)
WHAT ABOUT HIS FAMILY?!? MURDERER!! YOU GAVE ME A CHOICE BUT YOU DIDN’T EVEN LISTEN. I THOUGHT THIS WAS A DEMOCRACY!
By this time Max Emerald is laughing hysterically. Mr. Centner is laughing at me with the laugh that means “I think you’re slightly crazy but I love you so I put up with it”. At this point I start laughing, although I still maintain that catching him would have been soooo easy. I would have done it myself if I wasn’t terrified of insects/critters/sharks. Ok, so the shark thing doesn’t apply this time. More on that later though. Mr. C thinks it’s amazing how many times I can incorporate my fear of sharks into daily life. Anyhow, the point of my wonderful story is:
1. Think before you yell out things like “I’m naked.”
2. Bugs deserve a chance too.
(Mosquitoes, roaches, and spiders are exempt from this rule.)
3. Laughter cures everything.
4. Sharks are dangerous.
That was so hilarious. You are weird. Poor Patrick. No wonder he probably thinks he doesn't understand women I don't understand you either and I am a woman! Thanks for the laughter!!!
ReplyDeletePlease reconsider your stance on spiders. They really are amazing little creatures. As for mosquitos and roaches, only a Buddhist would give them break...You failed to mention centipedes, or in your case, centnerpedes. Do those go in the list of Untouchables?
ReplyDeleteActually, the poisonous spiders are really the only ones who don't get saved. We have a few of those types out here and I worry about Coconut being around them. If they aren't poisonous then normally they just go back outside. Ha ha, centnerpedes is so cute!
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